Finding our way

John once asked me what it is that I do all day when he's at school.  Hmmmm, interesting question.  Some days, tangible evidence that I'm a productive member of society may be hard to point to.  Beyond going to yoga class, doing a couple loads of laundry, and making sure that the refrigerator is stocked with fresh produce and healthy meal options for the family, what have I contributed?  Such is the life of the stay-at-home mom.  (That, however, is the subject for someone else's blog.)

There is a tendency, I think, after the husband is gone to work and the kids to school, to spend a lot of time alone.  Which can be great, but also very isolating, especially after a move.  One thing that has helped to fill my days here is my ex-pat women's group, the American Women of Berkshire and Surrey, or AWBS.  Berkshire (locally prounounced bark-sher, with soft r sounds) and Surrey are neighboring counties here.  There are lots of expats working in and around London, and a number of different clubs for the trailing spouses. There are two international schools nearby, which attract mainly expat families. There are women in the club with babies and toddlers, with grown children, and some with no children.  AWBS is not made up exclusively of Americans.  There are over 2 dozen countries represented in the membership.  There are quite a few British women, many of whom have spent time living overseas and have returned to their home country feeling somewhat like expats in their own land.  The membership is mostly women, with the occasional man who's following his wife's career around the world.

The first Tuesday of most months finds this diverse group gathered for a meeting.  After the usual business of thanking volunteers, asking for new volunteers, and talking about upcoming activities, there's a speaker.  Today's speaker was Jo Gambi, who with her husband has climbed the highest peak on each of the seven continents.  She's pretty and funny and, oh, yes, they've also skied to both the north and south poles.  And he's had cancer.  Twice.  One starts to feel inadequate when considering what Jo has accomplished (see first paragraph of this post) and wonder which mountain one might consider climbing first, then she shows the picture of the frost-bitten hand (not her own) and shares the toll high altitudes and extreme cold have on the body.  Then one simply thinks Jo is some combination of crazy and and incredibly determined, and decides to have another cup of tea.  Anyway, she's a very entertaining speaker and I bought her book.  Yeah, she's an author and a mother and a physical therapist on top of holding world records for mountain-climbing!

Way-finding on a country walk

What else does AWBS do besides hear interesting speakers?  There are lots of social, educational and philanthropic activities.  I've explored our corner of the UK on country walks and by bicycle, with volunteer activity leaders who take you places you didn't know were there.  Walking or cycling not your thing?  There are groups for tennis, golf, horse-back riding, yoga and pilates.  A group of us did a ropes course last fall and had a blast.  Fancy something more sedentary?  Scrapbooking, book club, bridge.  English history and art lectures.  Love to travel?  Learn French or travel together.  Small kids at home?  There's a group for that.  Like Antiques Roadshow?  You've come to the right place.  I took a bus trip with some AWBS ladies to the Sunbury Antiques market and have been back every month since.  There may not be something for everyone at AWBS, but if you can't find something that interests you, you can start a new activity.

Shortly after we moved to England I read a memoir by a British woman about her experiences living overseas.  Another expat woman told her to "Always have plans on a Monday."  It helps, when the rest of the family goes off to work and school at the beginning of the week, to have something on your calendar.  One of the great things about AWBS is there are lots of opportunities to make plans, either for a scheduled activity, or meeting people you want to make plans to see again.

The best thing about AWBS?  Finding other people who know the feeling of being a stranger in a strange land.  When you join, a volunteer sets you up with a "welcome buddy."  My welcome buddy has moved back to the US, but I have her to thank for a great dentist recommendation.  Need a widget and don't know where to find one?  AWBS publishes a welcome book that is packed with information on daily life.  And if it's not in the book, ask around.  Someone knows where you can get a widget.

School is a great place to meet other parents, but if it weren't for AWBS I may never have met some great people, like the fabulous Heather Farr, who lives just a couple blocks away from me.  Our kids are in the same school but different grades so our paths don't cross at school much.

I'm reading a book right now that was given to me by the fabulous Karen Ruff, about women and friendships.  Women who have strong friendships with other women are healthier, happier, and live longer.  We help each other find our way.